What is Love? Baby, don't hurt me.

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What is Love? Baby, don't hurt me.

Hopefully I'm not dating myself too much that at least some of you get that Night at the Roxbury reference, starring Will Farrell and Chris Kattan. If you continue to read these, beware of 80's references in the plenty. I wanted to write a short article on how the Church portrays Love in the Bible. Or rather, how they tell their members the Bible commands us to love.

I was recently working a wedding where the Officiant was also a pastor I knew. I listened as he described love as a commitment and not 'touchy feely' as 'the world' believes. I'm struck by how often I notice churches doing this. It's almost a defensive posture. They will go out of their way to often describe biblical love as emotionless. I'm embellishing a little, but not much. I'm transported back to the controversial Monty Python flick, The Meaning of Life, where they poke fun at Catholics for not using protection and having about two dozen children... to also represent the amount they have sex. Contrasted with their Protestant neighbors who have two children, also having only had sex twice. It goes on from there and it's quite crass, though also quite funny. So, before I jump into this, know that we're all in the same boat here as far as the message of how to love each other. It's good, it's honoring of God, but it's a task. I submit to you this could not be further from the truth.

Continuing with the marriage example, I've said before how God views His people as His bride. He adorns 'her' (or us) with all kinds of jewels and clothing. (Ez.16). Consider the Song of Solomon. Just read it and tell me a little passion isn't ok in the marital bed. You can't. I bring this up because if God's people are His bride, and the Bible speaks strongly toward a doting type of marriage, then our Earthly unions are likely meant to emulate that. And if the marital bed is supposed to have passion, and it may likely be the epitome of emulating our relationship with God, then how on Earth have we not permitted emotions in our friendships? The problem is we often don't permit either... from the pulpit that is.

Now don't get me wrong, there's probably not a single guy reading this thinking, "I don't think it's ok to have passionate sex." And many women might be glossing over this wondering if this is really even a thing. That's likely because women are naturally more social than we are. Men need to be told that it's ok to feel and share. Truthfully, I think the church is doing a disservice to marriages everywhere by beating this task-oriented relational drum. We probably wouldn't need as many books dancing around just telling husbands to listen better if we weren't constantly saying, "love is not an emotion", "love is a commitment, not a feeling", and on and on. My question is, why can't it be both? Jesus sure thought it was.

When in doubt, look to the Cross. Jesus Himself describes his coming sacrifice as motivated by Agape Love. Simple translated, 'to die for a loved one.' It's amazing we are able to see this as a task as well. It's true, this is an action or task, but why would anyone die for a loved one if they didn't feel hopelessly attached to them? And how would anyone feel attached to another to this degree without a tremendous amount of feeling?

Let's take Paul's example from Romans again. Here's a guy who persecuted the church, but then once he met Jesus, underwent countless beatings because he refused to shut up about Him. As a reminder, the book of Romans is written by Paul, to the Christians in Rome, who were largely Jewish, under more of a legal system and recently believed the Savior had not arrived... as of yet. He spent the majority of the time speaking to how the grace we'd be under, due to Jesus' work on the Cross, would change the system of rule under God. He reiterated several times that if grace covers all sin, it does not mean we should sin all willy nilly. I'm pretty sure Paul said willy nilly. You'll have to check me on that.

This sounds an awful lot like this love message. Could it be our pastors are fearful we will not be disciplined committed followers of Christ if we allow ourselves to feel things? Similar to how being under grace doesn't remove us from the responsibility to live rightly, loving others with our whole hearts doesn't remove the responsibility to commit to them. It just doesn't affect our status with the Father or Jesus. It may affect our ability to be close to Him by our own choosing, but I digress.

Why is it we lean toward heavy discipline, when Jesus freed us from the rule of law? Why is it we have Pentecostal churches who lean heavily on an emotional connection and others who shy away from speaking toward the affirmative of emotions at all? I'm certain there is a connection here, and I'm speaking from experience from both ends of the spectrum. The divorce rate is identical across the field. From Baptist to Pentecost, it's the same as those who don't claim to be Christians. Why? Because they're both missing it... just a little, but it's an important little.

Jesus reclined at the table, invited the prostitute, and let her wash His feet with the most expensive bottle of perfume their side of the Jordan. I don't know about that last part. But! What does this tell us about love? That is, if we're suppose to emulate the character of Christ. I love the example of sisters Mary and Martha. Martha had the gift of hospitality, as do I. Mary was a different type. It's unclear. But what we do know is she wanted nothing more than to sit at the feet of Jesus and hear him speak. While Martha, a bit peeved by her sister, slaved away in the kitchen. Both of these women were incredible women! That should also tell us something. Jesus loved them both and didn't correct Mary for not working. However, He did tell Martha it was not the time. Connection is highly valuable in the eyes of God... most importantly with Him. How many of you need to hear that sometimes Jesus just wants you to sit at His feet? Open your Bible, pray, journal, listen. Just try being with Him.

The Bible tells us God desires obedience over sacrifice. That does not mean He does not value sacrifice... obviously! His Son... on the cross... hello! And just look back at the imagery and symbolism of how God chose to perform our saving delivery. The sky went dark, the veil was torn, a woman saw Him first after His resurrection. We'd be fools to think for one second God wanted us to live without passion and feelings. But yes, we would also be fools to think God would not want our devotion. If this is uncomfortable to you, press into that. God often shows up in quiet moments. (Ps 46:10). He was "in the still small voice" with Elijah. (1 Kings 19:11-13).

One last proof. If you're not super familiar with the tone of Scripture, Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John are the 4 Gospels. They're called that because they tell the story and message of Jesus. However, they differ in tone in very important ways. John is often the first book encouraged to read. This is because John mostly covers the facts. This is John the Baptist, Jesus' cousin. Not John the disciple, or John the beloved as some call him. He referred to himself as the one Jesus loved. Possibly because he was younger than the others some think. In any case it says something about love to point it out like that. Mark is actually written more in view of Jesus' humanity. And Jesus' had a best friend named Lazarus. You may already know the story. He died and Jesus resurrected him like 4 days later. However, did you know that when Mark tells the story he records Jesus weeping? The NASB says He then "cried out with a loud voice" for Lazarus to rise before he did. The Amplified says Jesus "shouted". Some scholars translate this as "violently"! (John 11:38-46). So it appears, in no uncertain terms, Jesus also felt deeply and expressed himself outwardly unashamed of His surroundings. Interesting. John 11:5 even says, "Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister, and Lazarus." How cool is the simplicity of that?

Lastly, let us value teaching and truth. But this side of Heaven, let us allow ourselves to be here. Yes, God has placed eternity in our hearts, and if we know Jesus, this is not our home. But as my old Director Dave Wirgau used to say, there are three things that are eternal: God, His Word, and people. So as long as there are people here, as we are of course, we should value them as God does. With a forever lens.

Doesn't all this feel like it needs a deep breath? Why are we so bent outta shape about people getting too emotional about something? It may be an indicator of a deeper wound, but so what?! Aren't we all battling a sinful nature until the day we see Him face to face? Just because you're the strong silent type, does not mean the expressive ones deserve reformation treatment. There's so much judgement when anyone acts just a little out of character for a moment. And it's written on our faces. We need to be like Jesus here. I'm talking about:

~ the prostitutes He ate with

~His forgiveness for Peter when he denied Him three times

~forgiveness for Thomas doubting Him and letting him touch His wounds

anyway

~when He told the woman at the well who was on her 6th man that she could have eternal life

~how He washed all His disciples feet

And I'm talking about when He kissed Judas just before he betrayed Him. This is not an emotionless love. This is a King who descended so low, He would become a baby, live a sinless life, and be beaten, scourged, and hung on the behalf of no one deserving of it. Yet He did it anyway. Shouldn't this show us the status of others do not change our call to care? That seems like a simple enough calling to obey. Yet....

Look, we can sum up many debates by looking to Genesis and what took place in the garden. God desired us to have free will. We know this because He created us this way. But this came with it curiosity, which led to Adam and Eve's disobedience eating of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. So, if Jesus' death and resurrection restores that which was lost in the garden, it stands to reason the free will part was pre-tree. And thus, how God desires us to be. To be individual, to feel, and to discern. To be free, without eating the tree. God wants us to want Him.

May you decide within yourself and with the Lord, you are loved and that is good. May you feel good about that, that Jesus Himself died for you regardless of your sin and circumstance. Believe that in the midst of your mistakes and wounds and... past, that you are secure in His estimation of "membership." And please don't be afraid to trust one another, but more importantly... be a safe place for one another. And if you are this person, may you stop feeling shame for peoples glances and glares. Your transparency and vulnerability is a trail blazer for the true church... the people. Keep in mind, if you resonate more with one denomination over another, and you believe it‘s a place you can flourish as your authentic self, great! There is no perfect church, just like there are no perfect people. Stay and be the difference if you feel you can.

"Cast all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you." (1 Pet. 5:7).

And that's my boxless view in a nutshell.

James went to KU for Psychology

and is an entrepreneur owning three small businesses;

Two in the wedding industry, and one in custom furniture building.

In addition, James is also a hobbyist

as a musician, voice-over artist, and blogger on the side.

Ultimately, he lives for his family and

making Christ known as the compassionate Savior He is.