The Boxless Nutshell in a nutshell...

Please follow along with the audio below if you like.

The Boxless Nutshell in a nutshell...

How do you do with boxes? Most would say they don't like them. Nobody really likes being labeled or told to perform within certain parameters... especially in a social setting. "Nobody puts Baby in a corner!" RIP Patrick Swayze. While this blog will stray from a singular focus at times (fitting for the title), I will largely deliver a commentary on the current state of the American Church, peppered with some personal experiences. I will try to limit those because I don't want to cloud my objective of encouraging you.

I have never really fit in anyone's box and eventually became wearied of apologizing for it. Honestly, I let it go on far too long. I think I was about 35 when I finally decided enough was enough. Internalizing certain things is not healthy. And while under the guise of "God is growing you", "God will honor your commitment", or my least favorite, "That leader loves you more than anybody else", the fruit should bear some proof. If you're truly 'taking it on the chin' in humility to honor God in obedience only to find your heart is heavier, your family is more disjointed, and you don't seem to notice much relevant growth as a result, chances are you should not be subjecting yourself to that struggle. Nowhere in the Bible does God desire to break down a family unit for the sake of the individual. And if you're being told God has called you to surrender to your leadership without question. Guess what? Also not biblical.

Without getting too deep into this yet, just know my goal here is not to encourage a rebellion. Well, maybe it is of a sort. I pray for a revolution of unapologetically passionate people gathering all over to edify each other... and sometimes in a big building. My true objective is to deliver a factually based argument for various church topics that will hopefully breath life into your view of yourself... and maybe even of the church the way God intended it.

Too long have we dealt with power hungry leaders speaking into areas of our hearts without permission, much information, or love. Don't get me wrong. The church has done a lot of good, but it has also hurt so many. And while I believe biblical truth is supreme, we cannot allow powerful people to take liberties with our souls. They don't belong to them. These are people, prone to human error just like the rest of us. Jesus is our Lord and Savior, not any man. Full stop! Far more than any challenge and trial is the "Greatest Commandment", to love God and love your neighbor. Sure, loving God also means to obey and follow Him, but this does not mean blindly following any man in leadership who was placed there by another man. While there is a biblical base for God appointing our leaders, never does He tell us to follow them as Jesus Himself. Yes, it is true we are "called" and "predestined" in a beautiful way I don't think we can truly quantify (Eph. 1), but Free Will is also at play. If it wasn't, we wouldn't be in this mess to begin with. Adam and Eve ring any bells?

As my wife would say, "Come Lord Jesus, come." She's excited for heaven. So am I, but I'm enjoying Earth a little too much to be quite ready for the next chapter. My kids are so much fun for one. I'm also madly in love with my wife. But point being, it's a fallen world with fallen people. Hello! Blindly following any flawed individual is just foolishness. Don't let people hurt you the way so many others have been because someone says one of the lines I mentioned above to excuse their mistreatment of you. That's not wisdom. That's not humility. It's not being a critical thinker. In one men's conference I attended several years back, a panel of pastors told a crowd of hundreds of men to not seek mental health help, but instead to seek their pastors. This is nothing short of reckless. God said he will shame the wisdom of this world in reference to attempts to disprove His existence. He didn't say to ignore it. My buddy once said, "Don't let anybody tell you what the Holy Spirit wants you to hear. You know Him too. If He wanted you to know that, He would have told you also."

I'll leave you with one example. I once went through something so difficult I began to drink heavily. While I can't blame anyone for my drinking, I was in full time ministry under the "care" of leaders who didn't care for me very well. I was never heard, continually threatened to be fired just for trying to speak and share my concern, asked to step down for 30 days, and then never pursued to return. Would it surprise you to know I initiated the entire thing? I felt my leader was being too critical without any encouragement. This was never acknowledged or given any air time at all. I cannot describe to you the amount of anxiety I experienced having my voice taken away. I was quietly pushed out of a ministry I had given 8 years of my life to. No farewell. It was like I disappeared. This took me years to get over and nearly resulted in my wife leaving me. Their behavior was wrong, but it wasn't until I stopped blaming others and took ownership of my own identity in Christ that I began my journey to becoming whole. No one gives you worth but God. And no one can take it away.

Just to add some perspective, women in ministry have been dealing with this since the dawn of time. Feeling and sharing for some reason equals not being given a voice. The typical type A personality pastors don't seem to know how to handle it. So they silence it. It just occurs more seldom in men. I happen to be one of them. And as a side note, the word "sensitive" is no longer a dirty word to me. Men are also called to be gentle in Scripture. (Gal.5:22-23), but they can also be strong and courageous.

Please understand, I had issues. There is no doubt about that. My Dad left when I was a kid and I was only 28 at the time the above story occurred... and just married. Of course I was a mess. But we need to be giving care to those entrusted to us, [or rather who choose to trust us], not dictating or silencing because they aren't quite up to the standard of health we'd like... or simply aren't fitting in our little boxes. If you are going through something like this, please know it is NOT ok. You are highly valuable in the eyes of God, whether you're a Christian or not, and any pastor type that doesn't at least tell you that should not be your pastor. Get out before it's too late.

Remember that the hand can't say to the foot, "I don't need you". Likewise, the hand can't make the foot a hand. So it's ok if you simply don't feel like you can be the same. Nobody is the same as anyone else. I'm probably more like a couple of webbed toes. I had a best friend in 4th grade, Matthew, who had webbed toes and a rat tail... and he was pretty cool!

"It is for freedom Christ set us free!" (Gal.5:1). If this doesn't mean free to make mistakes without judgement, what does it mean? We are called to confront, correct, and even rebuke at times. But these steps are only to be taken when a loved one refuses to change a destructive behavior pattern. The rest of that verse is "...and do not submit again to a yolk of slavery." This means your own sinful past, but it could just as easily mean a legalistic rules heavy system imposed on you by a graceless leader with little concern for your heart health. Find someone who's a Safe Place... and not just one who says that term because now it's popular christianize lingo.

And that's my boxless view in a nutshell.

James went to KU for Psychology

and is an entrepreneur owning three small businesses;

Two in the wedding industry, and one in custom furniture building.

In addition, James is also a hobbyist

as a musician, voice-over artist, and blogger on the side.

Ultimately, he lives for his family and

making Christ known as the compassionate Savior He is.