Goonies Never Say, "Die"!

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Goonies Never Say, "Die"!

Welp, I'm sure I don't need to tell you what 80's movie reference that title is from. But what does it mean? Simply put, it's about Community. I tried to think of a great movie that encourages togetherness. There are plenty, but what better than a team of teenage death defying treasure hunters, who refuse to give up on anyone, to illustrate authentic relationships?!

The big moment comes when the group has reached a mid-way point in their underground booty-trapped ("That's what I said, I'm setting booby-traps") search for One-eyed Willy's treasure. They stumble across a well filled with coins, beneath a basket, from others' wishes over years. Just before they start getting pulled up to safety on "Troy's bucket", Mikey has his big speech. He reminds them all that they have this one chance to save their homes, nay, entire town, if they can just find the treasure! Of course they were right, but it wasn't the treasure hunt that has captured our hearts for this flick for 3.5 decades. It was the friendships wrapped around an adventure. I think this is close to what true community is supposed to look like.

You see, our churches have been using words that mean authentic things without authentic substance behind it... for years. Our pastors say things like, "I want everyone to move from an aisle to a circle", referring to small groups or Bible studies. But that seems to be the end of it in most cases. They will say, "Jesus had 12 disciples, and we need to be discipled as well." But then there is little to no explanation of what these look like, as if a small group is where the rubber meets the road. (See my previous article "What is Love? Baby don't hurt me" for my breakdown on task-oriented relationships). They say to worship together, but then consider standing next to someone you don't talk to and singing songs is the fulfillment of that. And then you go home.

I had a reputation for taking on the 'special cases' when I was in full time ministry. I loved it actually! If a college student didn't want to do the official work book or memorize verses, they would often get tossed out... or ask me to meet with them as a last line of defense. It was an honor to me actually. It would shock you if I told you how often this happened and how seldom I couldn't find something they were interested in. Be it a book, reading directly from the Bible, or just talking. It's not that they didn't want to be there, get help, or even learn. It was that they had no identity in a group where you just answer questions from a work book. And we're still doing this as grown-ups.

As I've said before, the church has found a way to give us the fruit without the tree. Worship and Bible studies should be the natural end result of people walking through life together. It's the culmination of community. It's a respite from the work week and trying to be a light in a fallen world. It could be the latter, but not the former. Not if you don't know each other. Instead, the church has created a way to give you the carrot without the stick. We don't work for our relationships anymore. Not the way we used to. Not the way we did in our 20's... or before cell phones and social media. Honestly, it's not all on the men who speak from a stage and neglect to describe tangible relationships. We can fix this without them and still attend their functions.

Martin Luther posted his 95 Thesis in 1517 rebuking the Catholic church for a lot of reasons, but perhaps his main point was their systematic withholding of the Scriptures from its members. So the people had no idea what God wanted to say to them outside of the corporate teachings and personal prayer. Thankfully, since then, the Bible has been translated into most languages... obviously English being one of them. God can and does speak to anyone who is willing to listen. If we would pick up our bibles, maybe meet with someone to help us understand how to read it if need-be, we would find how to live this community all on our own. Our pastors are to blame, but so are we.

Listen, I understand many of you may not have experienced the kind of community I did in college, but you do remember what it was like to have a friend who knows you. I mean truly knows you. Do you remember back when life didn't get so busy? When you could meet a friend for coffee? Share your anxiety? Your doubts? Your fears? Cry together?

I get it. "Life moves pretty fast, and if you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it." (Farris Bueller). Life after 30 changes. A lot! We begin to learn who we are, what we believe, what we're passionate about, and we feel a sense of ownership over our own lives apart from others. And that's ok. If you have a family, you need to be able to take care of them the best you know how. And others may not understand all your choices. Just look at how often we judge each others' parenting styles. Just the other day I was 2 min late to pick up my daughter from school. She was standing out front in a slew of other kids and parents. So there was no danger. Yet, a mom walked by me with a stare that could pierce your soul! What is it within us that brings us to a place of such self-righteousness? We all do it to some degree. We judge books without reading them. But that should just remind us of how sinful we really are. Christians should be leading the charge in humility. After all, we're the ones that were once so painfully aware of our imperfection that we cried out for a Savior... and He answered. Yet, once we accept Christ and get involved in our church bubbles, our eyes go glossy and we begin to make our unmerited righteousness become our own. We lose that humility and glare at parents showing up 2 min late to the school. My point here is we're too busy to have the same kind of relational time we once did. But there is still so much more we could be doing.

I'm not saying invite a homeless man into your home around your kids. I'm not saying not to do that either, but I understand the hesitancy. Protecting your family is an honorable pursuit. However, you can go to them. And you can invite people over who are not as... unknown per say. They may be a threat to your comfort, but that's not a reason to isolate. Though it is an easy reason to lean on. Or, use as an excuse. You've created a life for yourself through hard work and dedication. Why would you want anyone scrutinizing your parenting, choice of decor in the dining room, or whether your kitchen drawers auto-close? Still, not a reason. It may be a reason to not invite that particular person over again, but it's not a reason to quit trying.

It's ok to be a little uncomfortable. And it's ok you don't do this all the time. Your family comes first. Period! I mean, Jesus should be first in your heart (easier said than done), but after that, everyone falls by the waste side after your spouse and kids.

So how do we have authentic biblical community, different from that of the church's opportunities? I mentioned eating (or 'breaking bread') with people, which is likely the culminating climax of authentic interaction. But let me propose coffee may be a tad better. Here's the reason: When you're one-on-one, you never have to be concerned about something you don't want someone else to hear. It could be 3, or even 4, but the idea of having to shrink back from sharing your whole heart is the biggest threat to true community. You may not have roommates, go to impromptu acoustic worship sessions on a carpeted floor, or all night prayer sessions in solidarity for a common goal, but you can have friends. Like, real friends.

This is hard to do. It honestly feels downright impossible sometimes. And it may even feel unnecessary. I know it's easy for me to shrink back from trying to recreate my college years with JD, Joe, Stephen, Rob, Arash, Dave, Joel, etc. etc. I text one of them almost every day, but boy would it be cool to find a couple of guys like that now. Still, I believe the issue is more than just our busy lives.

I mentioned it's uncomfortable to invite people into your home, but it's way harder to share something someone could use against you. We've been hurt so many times from oversharing or just darn right malicious acts by others. And then sometimes we get hurt by someone who judges us for being hurt. Damned if you do, damned it you don't. (Bart Simpson). By the time we finally put some roots down, it soon occurs to us we could live like a hermit! I have a friend who is a minimalist to the extreme. He owns several rentals and has a very cushy job. He spends his free time doing dangerous acts, be it motorcycling or ice climbing. So he's pretty much able to do what he wishes. But even with his 20 year old hoopty, and bed he built into the water heater closet, he values relationships. He's married now, but as far as I know he still has Wednesday Man Nights with 2 other married buds he's known since high school. That's straight up beautiful! But, it is likely much easier because they have been together so long. I now live across the country from all my dude's. And it can be pretty lonely.

I've mentioned before about the pastor a little younger than myself who believed friendship is primarily about "sanctifying one another". I was not interested in this friendship. The reason being, not because I decided I'm too old to be challenged, but because I don't have room for someone who doesn't accept me for who I am now... worts and all. When a friendship is predicated on fixing each other, that's counseling... be it 2-way counseling. But when it's building blocks are based on valuing you for you, the ugly moments are so much easier to withstand. I once told a buddy, who had just 'scorched earth'd' me in front of a group, that he needed to just be my friend first before he felt the freedom to tear me apart. And maybe next time to pull me aside first. It's never comfortable, but it's so much more meaningful (and effective) when it's coming from someone you know loves you.

So may you find time in your life to invite someone over, to sit down and get to know someone new... or better, to help someone move, or pick them up when their car dies on the side of the road. May you invite another guy (or gal) in your couples small group to get together without a work book in front of you. And may you stand next to someone in a pew ("aisle") who you've actually gotten to know outside of those walls. That's 'corporate worship'. Body's in pews and numbers on membership forms does not mean you're worshipping as a community. You must first be a community to then truly worship with them. And by the way, worship is described as a "physical act of worship" and a "living sacrifice" (Romans 12:1). Singing songs is part of it. And I'm a more emotional guy than most who has led or been in several church bands. So I value worship music... a lot! You're just not worshipping together if you're merely standing near others you don't know.

We also need to get to know our neighbors, have block parties, learn the name of that barista, cultivate relationships with other professionals who work on your house, and give your time and money to the less fortunate. But that's not community. That's being the Light of Jesus to the world. You need a couple people who build you up, encourage you, and yes, challenge you when the time is right... just not every time. Start with a coffee invite or have a couple over for dinner. Let your kids play together. Be ok with one of them being extra naughty and don't feel embarrassed that you kid is being... a kid. Fight for authenticity with those who are a Safe Place to do so with. But do it! Try. You never know. Just inviting others into your life, whether they say yes or not, could be melting hearts to one day take that risk with someone else when you're not around. Is it too much to say be a light in your church? There's a lot of darkness and hiding going on in there and they need to be told it's ok to be a bit broken. Imagine the audacity of a church leader telling you it's not ok to share your feelings with someone because you made them uncomfortable. You may need to constantly remind yourself that going against the grain is good if it means leading the charge in true relationships within your church 'community'. And that's ok. You will make a bigger effect with a ripple than with a splash. Know that God is pleased with you for doing this. And that's all that matters in the end.

If you need one more proof, just consider that person you've known forever who you entrust all your details to. If those that know Jesus are considered brothers and sisters, maybe we should be aiming for that with them as well. After all, even in the midst of your disdain for one another, your biological siblings know your worst secrets and still love you anyway. Think about that.

And that's my boxless view in a nutshell.

James went to KU for Psychology

and is an entrepreneur owning three small businesses;

Two in the wedding industry, and one in custom furniture building.

In addition, James is also a hobbyist

as a musician, voice-over artist, and blogger on the side.

Ultimately, he lives for his family and

making Christ known as the compassionate Savior He is.